Well, color me successful. Promoted to junior entertainment manager and now I'm off to explore the universe. Funny title...junior entertainment manager. Makes it sound like I offer special services, doesn't it? Waggling girl bits at clients across the galaxy. I assure you it's nothing like that. It's rather boring, actually...but what's a girl to do? [sighs] It's my first day out, still got the jitters, if you could imagine. The Alaska is beautiful, and even more so its captain. [chuckles] Ohhhh Oswin, what will you do with yourself?
Oswin Log. Ship time is...ehhhhh two hundred hours? I like the ring of 'Oswin Log', don't you? Much more clever than captain's log. I'm sure the captain's got his own log, but I'm been respectfully modest by that part. We stopped in Florana not two days ago. I'd have been damned not to fill my cabin up with a bed of flowers. Have you ever slept on a bed of roses? You know, minus the thorns? Brilliant. Strange how much you miss little things like that rolling about in space. Plants are seldom seen on a starship, it's nice seeing something green floating about. I can't imagine they'll last much longer, but that's how good things go don't they?
Oswin Log. Eight hundred hours. It never truly sinks in how small you are until you're on the outside looking in. We've hit a pass between the Milky Way and Andromeda. You'd be surprised how much less emptiness there is between the neighborhoods of stars, but it's still quite empty... We can see it now through the display. Our galaxy. It's....so utterly breathtaking. Knowing one of those twinkles is where my mum is. A place that can be called home. Nothing but a flicker of light in this sea of darkness.... [a beat] [a laugh] How human of me. Amazed at being so small when all we obsess over is being so big. Nothing wrong with that, as small as I am even for a human I deserve to have a little bigness. Enough about that, I hope we find a colony soon. I need more eggs. Can't bake a souffle without real eggs. The powdered kind just isn't good enough, shoot me for having a bit of decorum. I think the others are just bitter I never share.
Oswin Log with an important announcement: I am a genius and everyone should be kissing my ass. Do you know how simple it is to juryprogram a faulty compressor? They all made it seem so complicated, but really simple when you layer it out. A few rerouted wires. Wham. Bam. No thank you ma'm. You'd think by this century they'd start giving women a little more credit around here? I could have full control over this space float in the matter of a day and pilot it from my cabin if I really wanted to go through the extra effort. Thankfully, I'm not a backseat driver. I am, however, a savior of souls.
That or maybe we just couldn't turn left for a while. Still. Annoying.
Oswin Log. Seventeen hundred hours. We've detected an impossible planet. Curious isn't it? A whole planet gone unnoticed. Not by the galactic records at least, perhaps by another union, but not ours. Mm. I wonder. You never hear good things about these. Mystery planets full of danger. We've tried reporting it, but otherwise it'll be passing right under our noses. I wonder what's down there. It can't be inhabited, not by anything sentient at least. That, or it's a group of shut ins. Hm. I kind of want to see what it has to offer, but we can't just change our trajectory. We need to make it to Midnight eventually and I have a hot date. Can't go gallivanting around mystery planets agitating the natives now can I? [muses] That'd be a fun date.
You should see this, mum. A whole untouched planet blanketed with snow. It looks beautiful from up here. I wish we could do a life scan, but it's just not one of those ships. Maybe it's for the better, maybe we've found something direly fascinating. On the brink. It all starts here. [a rumble] [gasps]-What was that? [muffled. -forces dragging- more muffled. -We have to-] [alarms start blaring growing louder and softer] [scuffled footsteps] [the click of a harness] You think we'll--[cuts out with a loud mechanical blare]
[audio echoes from a hollow surrounding] Hello?..... [breathes out shakily] Get yourself together Oswald. [clears throat] If anyone finds this, if anyone hears this. This is the Starship Alaska. We've crash landed on an undocumented planet in the Andromeda Galaxy, star system Atarax. I've rigged our ship to send a continual broadcast, but--[EX.TER.MIN.ATE. EX.TER.MIN.ATE]- [gasps] [rush of footsteps] [hitch of breath and a clatter. recorder skids across hard ground] [winces and footsteps scramble up. recorder scrapes off the ground] [footsteps.] [panting] [patting against something hollow] Oh come on...! [distant dalek noises] [door wriggling] [door giving. opening. closing]
[perpetual door banging] Make it stop...For the love of the maker, make it stop... [shaky breathing as the door continues to bang. couple re-fractured beamshots] I feel...strange. Numb is it. From the cold? [footsteps drag a little, the daleks grow quieter] Get yourself together Oswald. [a deep breath] [scratching at a panel before it gives and clatters to the ground] They're coming, they wont stop. The escape pod, it's....it's somewhere. But the forcefield, no, I'll have to find a way to disable it. Maybe I'll make it out once for all and then we can laugh and drink and it'll be fantastic story to tell all my mates. [laughs weakly] Hey remember that time when Oswin crash landed on an uncharted planet? Sole survivor of fifteen able bodied people? Master hacked her way into the arms of victory, saving no one? [a heavy sigh] [door opens] A genius she is... [slow footsteps] ... . .. . ... [gasps]- [EXXXXXTERRRRRMIIIINNNNAAATTTTEEEEEEEE] No... [recorder clatters off]
Oswin Log: the Solo Experience. Foreign undocumented planet? Check. Cute, optimistic adventurer? Check. Ominous overarching plot? Check and mate. Don't see any sign of the Alaska, but that's all right. The muppety man explained enough to know that we're not in my universe. I imagine it'd be very surprising to see a starship out here in the middle earths. Really inconvenient of him, I hope no one misses me, except for maybe that rapscallion captain. [muses] [deep breath] You wanted an adventure, Clara, you got one. If you could see me now, mum, you'd be colored impressed. I guarantee. Our little muppety guide made the first step simple. Find the group, find the map. How hard could it be?
Oswin Log: Day Four. A bright eyes, an angel, invisible midget, princess, and a stoic badass. Plenty of slimy muppets to go around. Very charming group, the ones with the map. I think bright eyes and the angel might be swingers. A girl can dream, anyway. Foreigners, like me, but from I've yet to figure out where. Well, other than the obvious American of them. [hums] We'll be setting out tomorrow back into the forest. I plan on doing some shopping tomorrow, but I fear that the grumpy villagers won't be taking my credit. There's only so much that can be done about that. Oswald out.
Oswin Log. Day six..well seven now. We found another camp. Remnants of people before us. Worrisome, a bit. I wonder what happened to them or if they just gave up...Well, time to carry on. In other news I encountered my first anomaly with our dear Captain Hook. Dreadfully handsome trouble. Me and captains? What would my mother say? [sighs] If the others are right, he might be more trouble than he's worth. You know what they say: keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer. With as much at stake, do we really need to tear each other apart by the seams?
[the sound of running water into a bath] [sighs in] Ohhhh Clara, the trouble you get yourself into. Sometimes it's like watching yourself on the telly steering into a mess wrapped up in a disaster. Now sitting here smelling like death bog in your post damsel situation. Leg hard as a rock. Smart. Brilliant. [long silence] [winces] What are you going to do you silly girl.... Ever get the feeling you're a bit of a bother? Bit off more than you can chew? I thought it wasn't possible, but maybe I was wrong. I can be wrong about things. Geniuses aren't perfect. I'm allowed. Hm..still. I don't think they deserve to shoulder my problems. Dean, nor the rest of them. I get myself out of pickles all the time, how hard could it be? [clears throat] Right. Week in review. Yetis, cliffs, boatman...., muppety bird king en route to death. Notes to self: cure sandy leg, wash the corpse soup from my hair, figure out..what the bloody hell happened to Alaska. [pause] Oh and that ass.
I repeat. that ass... . .. ... .. . [clears throat] I suppose it's one for three of good decisions. He's good. Reliable. [pauses] I think I've made a mistake. It's moments like this where I wish I had someone to set me straight. Someone just a call away. But I don't have that here do I. I just have myself and these people. Friends, but not family. Even if they are just friends they don't deserve it, not what I've done. Now I'm just waiting by the woods to it to emerge like a black stain. You know the feeling of getting stuck. Wanting to call out for help, but too stubborn to figure it out for one's self. it's like that. Wanting but not wanting. Guilty but assured. A problem I can fix, that I should fix if it threatens us. If he damages our integrity. ... Seeing him there. Seeing Hook in that cage. You have to wonder how far back they stopped looking at him being human. Being flawed. I want him to be forgivable, the world owes him that. But at the same time I fear this is just one of those things I'm not clever enough to understand and too stubborn to simply let go. [halves a laugh] Get it together, Oswald.
Day Fifteen...or is it day sixteen? On wretched waters. I hear the sirens singing, beautiful voices. They say they'd sire the most wretched of men into the waters to awe over their beauty and then eat them alive. Unfortunately, the most wretched among us remains firmly at the wheel. Sly and vindictive, I wonder how many lives he has left before this journey or one of us gets the best of him once and for all. [time break] You know, blasphemy isn't all that bad-If it's even so. A bit difficult to brush up on old Christian values. I was never too fond of dead religions. That unicorn. Far more clever than I ever expected...although I didn't know what to expect. It was one of those things you didn't think existed like santa or magic. [clears throat] This lake is cutting my nerves. Perhaps its the sirens. Perhaps its more than just...[voice trails off] How does one fix a problem when they have no clue where to start. I feel like I should know this, know a lot of things actually, but it's just slipped right out of reach. Like forgetting a word at the tip of your tongue.
[a good 30 seconds of dead silence] . .. ... [a sigh] [that noise where someone is about to talk but it's just a choked noise] ..... ... .. . I.....[no. nope] . . .. ... [a deep breath] [muffled background of Owen going oi, we're moving] [sighs out] Get yourself together, Oswald.
[tired and quiet. dead inside] Oswin Log. Day twenty something. I've become leader, and while I always fancied myself one, it's bittersweet. The married couple have flown the coop and it looks like I've become resident shepherd. [muses, but its halfhearted] Look at me, talking like one of them. [takes a breath] He better come back with or without. I hate doing things alone. I hate being alone. Here they all sleep, but I'm the only one awake. [yawns] I dreamed of them again. Loud and banging at the door. I don't know what door, but it felt hollow and cold. Tiny. Dark. Loud scratchy voice in my ear. Things I don't want to remember but I'm starting to remember. ... .. . The worst thing of being with myself is having those thoughts to myself. Where's that perfect world where I could just...drown everything away? Right, that world's gone now.
This doctor. Doctor who? Why does that seem so familiar, why is he so familiar? He's sonic equipped, so he's definitely something....You know that feeling. Being on the brink of genius. Hope. [pause] That's what it is. Hope. But why? [wets lips] It's been tempting just running away, I don't know why. They shouldn't depend on me, I'm not the leader they deserve. I follow. I divert. [pause] I miss them, those stupid boys. Where the hell have they gone off to...
Can I call myself a proud slave owner of two? Of course, two thousand gold and the life of possibly the only person that could answer all my questions might be a bit steep. [joking] [made herself upset] [sighs] Two for one....I got what I wanted, didn't I? My boys for my past, throw in an additional sonic screwdriver. One I don't even know what it really does. [whirring noise] Distractions. I suppose it's better than....nothing at all.
Oswin Log Day Thirty Two. Doctor's back, that's good at least. Downside is that I'm married to possibly the most insufferable person on this trip. Killed an assassin, which I imagine is from good idea, but bad that it's coming back for me... I wonder if I could keep holed up in this cabin for the whole journey or will I find hook marks on the other side... [voice drifts] I want to believe in him, I really do but we all know he's an insufferable shit. [snaps herself out of a thought] [ruffled blankets] Kicking a hornet's nest, isn't it? It's just. What. He wants.
I know it's cliche, but....I'm starting to think I don't deserve him. Cute that he clearly thinks it's the other way around, but....that silly beautiful boy. If only he knew. [groans] I don't know what he's done, what world he's lived through, but he has heart. It's different. It's all...semantics, but he has heart and I... [sighs] What have I done?
[muffled sound of the ocean rocking against the beach] [distracted Peculiar things, unicorns. Pirates. Doctors. People. How many more times are we going to veer near the gates of death? How much are we going to sacrifice for one another or even ourselves? [laughs] That sounded almost poetic. [sighs] But really. How much more of this can we take?
[muffled pigman chanting] Some things are better left unknown....Perhaps he was right, but I'm beginning to understand why I don't want to go back. Kind of like a reflex. Knowing your body is revolting like its from death itself...... [half a laugh] I am human....aren't I? ... I am alive....aren't I?
You know, I used to think I was so clever. When I was a little girl I'd steal sweets out of the kitchen before supper. I'd puff up the wrappers with tissue and stuff them back so my mum wouldn't notice. It took me ages to realize she put them there on purpose, waiting for me to sneak in. Cackle like a maniacal child on a sugar high. [pauses] ... . .. . Poor old Clara. Never as clever as she hopes she'd be. [scoffs] This is how good things go, don't they? This is why I can't have good things.
Power in the eyes of the beholder. Sounds overtly mystical. [muses] I feel like every time I look at this book, Dean is going to come slap my knuckles with a ruler. Even though he might be indisposed at the moment.... [chimes. thinking] I've felt oddly nostalgic since my epiphany. The Alaska....I realize I forgot to put my genius to good use. It's no rescuing blood champions, but it's something to warrant use. [brief interruption as a hildr woman argues at her briefly] Wur ha.... [dead inside]
Magic is a load of crap I've decided, and I don't care who hears it. Oswin Log. Day forty one, or so I think. We're in a cave, a rubbish one really. The people here...they're related to the mapmaker. And while that note is curious, I'm more concerned with our tag along. So it seems that Tumba has made me a bit bitter, but perhaps it's for the wiser. No more gallivanting after ghosts, boatmen, and pirates. Cautious, but curious Clara will never die. [scoffs] These people, it's not just me. Just the way they look, act, walk. Trouble, and that's coming from someone who loves trouble. Hm. Keeping my eye on them, as we all are. With the map being on the other side of the mountain, we still have time to lose them. I suppose that's up to me. [sighs...laughs softly] Geronimo.
[background clatter of someone shoveling. people arguing] Day forty two. [monotone throughout] One of two doctors. Two traitors dead. One of us..perhaps beyond help. Two more are missing... A whole village of people slaughtered. Innocent. Old. Wise people...Exterminated. [clears throat and winces] [muffled hold still from Owen] They were outsiders. All of them attracted the fog. And I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop anyone from doing anything. [Oi] You "oi". [No use mucking up over it. Natural order. The lot of you are lucky to be alive.] That's not natural order...we're just throwing the balance. Have we ever made it through a piece of this world without leaving it in pieces? [silence] Maybe you're used to seeing this, frog boy, but I'm not. I'm not going to make excuses to let it be okay. It will never be okay. [Owen sighing]
Oswin Log. Day forty four. It seems I've been separated from the group. Fantastic. [pause as she takes a breath] Location hasn't differed, but perhaps a little less overgrown. No statues. Nobody...I figure I'll hike back to town and see if I can get any lead there. I'm sure someone can explain. Point me in the right direction. I'll get this figured out. No damseling here.
Apparently my group never came through here. The town's changed, less graves. I must be in the past... [thinks for a moment] The angels then...Time hopping angels, hm. I suppose that's not the zaniest thing to have happened. Now to get back...how to get back. I don't think they'll take kindly to asking nicely. I'm camping out, waiting to see if any of the others got looped into this mess. Hopefully not, but it's awfully lonely. Cold.
Day two in the past. Not much better luck as I've lost light. I see them in the corner of my eyes, not drawing any nearer. They just like being close by and I'd hate to think it's doing something, but they are. They're drawn to me like the fog. [shudders] How does one kill something made of stone? Or is this just going to be a never ending staring contest until one of us kicks it in. [huffs a laugh] I think we both know who'd win.
This all is beginning to seem a bit familiar. Holed up in a ruin waiting for one thing or the other to come along. Waiting and waiting and waiting. I've been doing a lot of that lately, and it doesn't seem to be very clever. But the thing is owning up to knowing when one's stuck and I'm stuck. Stuck in the past... What if. What if I'd grown old and died here? It'd be better than going home, wouldn't it? How funny of an idea that Tumba is better, but it is. Anywhere would be. [clears throat] Then I think about the others. What if they'd just give up and move along. They don't deserve to be held back, but I don't deserve to be left behind. What if they think I'm dead, but they could still be there. They are still there no matter what. Time doesn't move like that, not parallel. [musing noise. she gets up.] [bag shuffling as footsteps echo across a big empty room] I'll make them see me.
[quiet shuffle of things into a bag] Back to the present, but only bittersweet. The angels have been caught, and we're set to move on. Another one down, and this time it was one of my own. A friend of the doctors, or a bitter spouse depending on how you looked at it. [dry sniff] ... [deep breath] How many more. I should have never asked. [shuffling resumes. clinks of glass as it's thrown in with a bit more gusto][muffled voice speaks up Looking for something?]
[soft echo of her voice from bouncing off tiled walls] Have you ever been so angry you didn't know what to do with yourself? I never get livid, not like that. Not at anyone and especially not at him. He didn't deserve it... [distant tapping of water dripping into a pool] [a long stretch of silence before she groans] He doesn't deserve any of that, Oswin what the hell were you thinking? I haven't even stopped to consider how guilty he already was. How the pup has wandered off again. How soon he's lost his brother. I... [trails off] I need to stop this. Let it go. Get it together. [a distant shuffle from the next room. grows quieter.] He doesn't need me to worry about on top of everything. You're not supposed to do that to the people you love...
Day fifty three, if my time is correct. It's more difficult trying to track time underground, but it's been a couple days I'm sure. This sort of thing never bothered me, but I think the others find it disorienting..... [thought drifts. muffled noise around the camp] Cas is back, but not him. It's just who he...wore. Different, complicated, broken. I want him back, but at the same time I feel like it'd be force feeding a child a spoon full of split peas. Only it's his life he's giving up and maybe I shouldn't be the one who called the shot. Let him run... [clears throat] Now I know what it's like. I've felt what its like to be held inside and not remember...only bits and pieces. More fragments of memories, new ones anyway. [winces and sighs] It was only for a few minutes, but no longer than a blink. Funny how time works like that. How pliable it is. It makes me wonder if I get sent back if they'd miss me. [musing huff] Having to roll around that place high and low looking for me or if I'd pop right back where I was. Staring down a bright light.... Here's to hoping I never find out, yeah?
Oswin Log. Day Fifty-Six. Fifty six days...who would have thought. How far we've traveled in so many days. It should be March, but by my clock it's still November. Sixteen days before my twenty-seventh birthday. I'm hoping we'll be stopped in town for that, I need to bake myself a souffle. It's been far too long.. [sighs, stretching huff] It's mornings like these I kind of wish everything was normal. That I could make a pot of coffee and crawl back into bed. Sleep the day in a few more hours. We've got a roof over our heads, even if it's a creepy old ruin. At least it's peaceful. You really take peace for granted out here, but I guess I'm lucky. I can have that with him. And then I find myself fighting harder and harder for it every day.... [musing noise] I wish you could meet him, mum. Smart mouthed, green eyed yank with a little cute way that he walks. You'd like him. A bit of a nut, respectively, but charming. My bright eyed soldier. More than he ever gives himself credit for. Sometimes I think he's the only thing here that really keeps me together. Makes me want to be stronger and braver. Gives me hope and pushes me forward more than he'll ever know. I've changed. A lot. My adventures have made me wise, taught me how to really trust. I may have fallen and scuffed my knees, made my mistakes, but I realize I could be worse. [low muffled rumble of thunder] I'm strong, I'm not afraid. I have hope that I'll get out of here and I won't be alone anymore. I'm not the little girl you left, and I'm better. I'm alive.
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